There are things and there are things. There is love and there is love. Then there are words and there are words. I say, you mean, she understands, they perceive. Where the chain of connected gaps breaks and let us fall into common missing and misplacement? Will it ever be that the barrier, the impossible, moves from the skin surface to the way we produce our skin?
I want to surrender there.
Alright, sometimes you want to dance. The distance is necessary step of each turn and twist. Sometimes you want to make love. Trying to inject with flesh the hiatus of seduction. Penetrate the void of difference by bloodshot erected tissue. You come but do you arrive? The eluding destination laughs at you from unbearable closeness and calls you again. Beautiful.
Desire is paradoxical. It shoots you to the other by energizing all the parameters which make it just impossible to ever reach there. Gathered and consumed around the object of the drive – which belongs exclusively to your enclosed inner space – you cannot but shoot blanks and miss tremendously. At the top of the tension, you are probably the loneliest ever. It just doesn’t feel like that.
Ok, maybe we can be redeemed by pleasure. If it’s high enough and brings down even the image that propelled it. Serious drug addicts would know something about it.
Really, I need a month, or a few, of living in a pure passive. Done, taken, touched, chosen, elevated, cracked…whatever. All verbs are welcome. I need a lot more ‘d’s at the ends of my language. Surrender is destructively heavy when victorious opponent is absent. Surrender to what, to whom? Fluctuations of currency? Children, traffic rules, yearly business plan of the employer? And I wish for defeat. To fall before someone’s crocodile shoes and sign off my future, but, conservative as I am, I’d need at least a battle going on. You know, the typical stuff….the wounds that matter, torn clothes the ego, bruises on joints of fantasy…preferably all out nuclear war. But at the other end of oppression that’s graciously befalling us nowadays, there is no one. It’s not so much that we lost the space to grow into, time to have for ourselves, possibilities to explore, talents to multiply, whatever self-helping, inner-enlightening, auto-poetic, becoming-a-better-person 10 step prescription you’re maybe following. We lost the very way to lose.
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